my vag is so smooth its legendary
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
