Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
