i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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