it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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