she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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