So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize