I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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