she woke up with a sticky ear
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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