Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
