I just pynch a tree in the face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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