i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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