Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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