More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
