i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
