i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
