what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
jump out the window naked night went bad
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
