Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
