I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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