I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
