In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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