# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
