he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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