State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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