The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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