I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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