Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
