Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
