so explain again why im purple
no
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
