My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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