I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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