I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
