That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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