We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
