i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
