he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
