I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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