He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
