TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
