Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
