New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
