just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize