My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
