I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
