I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize