We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
