I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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