I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
