That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
