Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize