just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my poor anus
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
