Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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