i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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