Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
