The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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