I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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