He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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