i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
