guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
