Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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