yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
