So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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