Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
