if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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