Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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