you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
