i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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