Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
