i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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