Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
