p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize