Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
